Keeping Up Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) at Home

Dr. Joseph E. Colford, Ph.D.

School corridors are empty.  Students and teachers all are home-bound for the duration of the shelter-in-place requirements in response to the threats caused by the coronavirus.  Parents now become the primary supervisors of their children’s education. 

With few exceptions, school districts have set up video conferencing opportunities for children to resume their education online.  Teachers present lessons, give assignments, and expect homework to be completed in these virtual classrooms.  Parents are the ones to see to their
children’s compliance with these online directives.

Although this instructional format may work for the delivery of the core content material in the major subject areas of language arts, reading, math, social studies, and science, what about yet another critical subject: Social-Emotional Learning (SEL)? Even if there were structured SEL activities carried out each day in the classroom, how does that subject translate to an online format with individual children isolated in their own homes, far from the opportunity to interact with their peers in practicing those SEL elements?  After all, SEL includes socialization with classmates, a key component to practicing such things as self-control, relationship-building, responsible behavior, and interpersonal/communication skills.

It is at times like this when parents
might have to take the lead with SEL and become the instructors rather than
just the monitors of this vital subject. Incorporating some SEL components not
just into online lessons but also into the fabric of many stay-at-home hours
might just include some of the following:

  • Self-control/self-management: The value of routine and of a schedule of expected daily activities can assist children with their allocation of time at home.  It’s not that such a routine has to be lock-step and unchanging, but rather one that allows some deviation from time to time for engagement in other tasks.  As long as children know the value of such activities, the more likely they will be to accept them.  In fact, having children assist their parents in the development of a daily schedule will make it more likely that they will follow it. Here are some tips for daily schedules.
  • Relationship-building: With whom will some children be able to build relationships while separated from school and neighborhood peers?  Perhaps providing collaborative, rather than competitive, experiences in the home with siblings is a good place to start.  Keep in mind that age differences among siblings may determine how easily such cooperation can be fostered.  That is, children closer in age than three years may be a bit more competitive than those beyond that age span. Nevertheless, providing an incentive for such cooperative efforts can help.  Can the older sibling provide assistance in online school work for a younger sibling?  Can they negotiate who gets to pick the next television program?  And what an opportunity for children to practice empathy! How about talking with them and having them identify those friends or family members who may be particularly troubled by the current lockdown and having them come up with something to allay their discomfort: a phone call, a handwritten card or message dropped in the mail, or a prayerful moment in their behalf.
  • Responsible behavior: Reinforcing with children the importance of safe and healthy practices in the midst of the virus threat is essential.  Discussing with children all those safe practices that they undoubtedly have seen in the media over these last few weeks (hand washing, social distancing, hands away from face, etc.) is vital.  Additionally, opening up safe practices as a discussion point at home also will allow them to claim ownership of this need.  If given the opportunity to contribute their own thoughts on additional safe practices for the home and community, parents may be surprised to hear what ideas their children may come up with.    
  • Interpersonal/communication skills: In homes where there are siblings of different ages, it is important for parents to be able to demonstrate and reward these skills in their children.  They should be open and acknowledge from time to time how frustrating it is to have to be home-bound with no one else but each other to play/talk/interact with.  Parents will have to take the lead in allowing children to express such frustration in socially appropriate ways by showing them how it is done. Using “I” messages can be useful: “he” did not make me angry, rather “I” am mad because I wanted to watch something else on television. Encourage children to express their frustration about being sheltered in place without being judgmental and downplaying their feelings. Parents also should use these same “I” messages: “I” am disappointed that you haven’t completed the assigned school work; “I” am frustrated just like you are, so together we can make this new arrangement work. Find free resources from ChildWIN here.

In summary, parents can indeed bring SEL
into the home during these trying times. 
Since this new practice of shelter-in-place is a far cry from what
children prefer, it will take some time to redirect them to a routine thrust
upon them by this external virus threat. 

Parents also have some major adjustments to make in managing it all.  First, they must be aware of their own emotional reactions to the lockdown and be able to monitor their statements and other behaviors in front of the children.  This is not to say that they should deny their own level of anxiety with them, but rather they should send the message that they are able to cope with it.  The Center on Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS) provides three viable suggestions for parents as they create this new in-home classroom:

  1. When
    trying to change a child’s behavior, use a 5-to-1 ratio of positive
    interactions or praise to every negative interaction or corrective statement,
    whether it be for completing the online academic assignments in a timely manner
    or interacting in a positive way with a sibling. Teaching a new behavior
    involves a preponderance of positive feedback over negative.
  2. Remind
    children of the positive, pro-social behavior that is expected of them, even
    before it is expected. “Remember to wash your hands before you eat.”
  3. Teach
    alternative behavior in order to reduce undesirable behavior.  That is, let them know that they can fidget
    with a rubber ball or some other item rather than put their hands to their face
    during the crisis.

Joseph E. Colford, Ph.D., NJ Licensed Psychologist

Professor Emeritus, Georgian Court University

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Victoria Spera

Victoria Spera-Ballesteros has over 10 years of experience in violence prevention and awareness, social justice education, community development, and public policy. She joined Prevent Child Abuse – New Jersey in 2017 and serves as a Program Coordinator within the PCA-NJ’s Community Engagement department. In her role, she engages with youth-serving professionals and community organizations with education, trainings, and technical assistance related to human trafficking prevention and youth resilience programming. She enjoys using her expertise to help partners build their capacity to serve and empower the youth and families of New Jersey.

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Michael Peralta

Michael works at Prevent Child Abuse NJ as a Technical Assistance Specialist for Grow NJ Kids, our state’s initiative to raise the quality of child care and early learning throughout New Jersey. Before joining PCA-NJ, Michael was the School Age Services Unit Manager at La Casa de Don Pedro responsible for the implementation of La Casa’s Enrichment Program and 21st Century Community Learning Center, serving children between the ages of 5 to 12 years old. Prior to working at La Casa de Don Pedro, he worked at the National Institute for Early Education Research as an Assistant Project Coordinator. At NIEER, he assisted with the coordination of data collection and training for various research/evaluation projects that included preschool, infant/toddler and family child care programs throughout the country and abroad (Colombia and Ecuador). Prior to working at NIEER, Michael volunteered at a Head Start Center in New Brunswick and at Rutgers Developmental Disability Center in which he worked with children with Autism. Michael is passionate about children’s rights and being the voice that they do not have. His goal in life is to help ensure children have opportunities for a great childhood.

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Elizabeth Paterno-Culp joined the Prevent Child Abuse-NJ team in 2015 as a Home Visitation Program Specialist. She provides ongoing technical assistance to several Healthy Families and Parents As Teachers programs across the state of New Jersey. Along with her day-to-day role at PCA-NJ, Elizabeth is a Child Wellness Institute (ChildWIN) team member. She serves as the Trauma Transformation Initiative trainer and liaison. She also conducts training on topic areas such as child abuse and neglect prevention, intimate partner violence and child exposure, trauma 101, trauma informed-care, self-care, and resilience.

Prior to her work at PCA-NJ, Elizabeth worked at Wynona’s House Child Advocacy Center as a Program Specialist. She worked closely with the Family Advocate to support the children and families. In addition, she continued to volunteer as a Sexual Assault Response Team advocate and a Domestic Violence Response Team advocate.

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Vasu Nacha

Vasu Nacha has been working in the field of child and family wellness for more than 10 years. She has a Masters in Psychology, and certifications as a Trauma Professional, Cultural Competence Trainer and Reflective Consultation provider. In addition to taking a leadership role in the development and delivery of the Trauma Transformation Initiative, she has conceptualized and led the development of the C.A.R.E model of peer reflection. Aside from her regular day time job, Vasu works as the director of the SCOPE program with SKN Foundation, where she leads the delivery of programming for South Asian families of children with special needs.

Kelly McGlasson

I have been working in the field of early childhood education for over 25 years- as a developmental specialist in Early Intervention, a behavioral therapist, and a classroom teacher. As a preschool and elementary school Program Specialist, I trained teachers on classroom management, sensory integration techniques, and strategies for promoting social-emotional development. I also taught a Child Development course to upcoming teachers. Most recently, I have delivered aspects of the Healing Hearts and Building Resilience (Trauma Series) to teachers and the Peaceful Practices to both parents and children. I also continue to coach preschool teachers on various aspects of quality improvement, including meaningful interactions and developmentally appropriate social-emotional skills. I hold a Master of Science in Early Childhood from Erikson Institute as well as a Level III Infant Mental Health Specialist Endorsement and a certification in Reflective Supervision and Consultation from the New Jersey Association for Infant Mental Health.

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Gina Hernandez, MA, LPC was appointed by the Board to the position of Executive Director of Prevent Child Abuse-New Jersey and the Child Wellness Institute in April 2021. Gina has extensive experience in nonprofit leadership, clinical services and program evaluation.

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Robin Happonen

Robin Happonen has been in the Early Childhood field for 20 years. She joined PCA-NJ in 2017 and is currently the Senior Technical Assistance Specialist with the Grow NJ Kids Northeast TA Center working in Hudson County. She is also a member of ChildWIN and assisted with the development of both the Trauma Team Initiative and the Peaceful Practices Guidebook. Prior to joining Grow NJ Kids, Robin worked as an elementary school teacher and preschool teacher. She has a BA in Elementary Education and a MA in Child Advocacy.

Kim Haigh

Kimberly Haigh has been serving the Early Care and Education field for over 25 years. Her work for various organizations and agencies include the Department of Defense, Bright Horizons Family Solutions and Duke University where she has developed and presented trainings for early childhood educators. Kim joined PCA-NJ and ChildWIN in 2015 and has since delivered Trauma Informed trainings to Early Childhood staff, elementary teachers, after school staff, and administrators, while also developing a training is Social Emotional Learning (SEL) for educators. Kim earned her BA in Education and Psychology and her MA in Child and Family Studies; she has also completed a 20-month intensive fellowship for Infant and Toddler Mental Health at Montclair State University.